You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
