Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
