I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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