i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize