pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." ๐ ๐๐ท
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
