One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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