There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This is not my ceiling
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
