Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
love makes seman taste better
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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