smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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