the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
