im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
