Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
