Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
