girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why is there bacon in the couch?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
