I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
