....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
