if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
