You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
