so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
