I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
