i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
