In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
