the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
soo... how was my night?
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