I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
