census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
