Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
