Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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