i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
