i think my tv is drunk
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Someone shattered a urinal.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
