I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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