im about as happy as oj after his trial
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
