We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
