I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
