I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
