Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
