Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
