nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
