Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
