I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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