We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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