I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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