I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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