I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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