I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
