I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
