Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
