The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
