The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
