I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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