My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
