Your face is a jimmy john
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize