I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
