I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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