dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
