If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Boobs are out for the taking
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
