I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize