In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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