I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
