i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize