Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
