Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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