At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
