remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize